AUTUMN ALMANAC

As a rule of thumb, one can find three types of pub once you pass the junction where Pilrig Street meets Leith Walk (7,10,12,14,16,22,25,49); The Hibs Pub, such as The Harp and Castle (formerly Jayne’s) where the décor is predominantly green and white and football seems to be the only topic of conversation; The Dive, such as The Dalmeny Bar, which isn’t really worth discussing in any amount of detail; and The Swedish Effort, such as Victoria, located between Dalmeny Street and Lorne Street and run by the same folk who have Joseph Pearce’s and Boda, both of which have been discussed in previous editions of this blog. Victoria (there’s no “the” prefix, name purists should note) has a greater (both in number and variety) range of beers but shares the same theme of cushions and candles without running the risk of being pink. Victoria also boasts semi-regular events such as fashion shows, gin tastings and celebrates national days with certain drinks offers. It has become a regular haunt of The Management, and is a fantastic place to spend an afternoon, an evening, or – if you can handle it – both. These three pubs marked the last appearance on the Great Edinburgh Pub Challenge (for now) of Ian Davidson, whom some of you may know more affectionately as The Wee Fat Bald Man, on account of the fact that he is vertically challenged, folically sparse and does not suffer from any eating disorders (with the notable exception of overindulgence). Ian has unfortunately moved to London since that post-Scotland match jolly up; the three pubs listed above being visited after a trip to Robbie’s to take in a particularly dull 0-0 draw with Northern Ireland.

The theme of regular participants leaving town was continued on our next trip out. Having made a guest appearance on drums for The Wynd , none other than Sick Boy himself, Adam Johns came out for one last time before fleeing to the relative wilderness of Devon. Unfortunately The Tron (Hunter Square/South Bridge, 3/5/7/8/14/29/30/31/33/35/37/47/X48/49) was the only challenge-eligible place visited. For those of you who don’t know, The Tron is a terrible pub unless you are under the age of 18. The following day’s hangover necessitated a visit to All Bar One (Festival Square/Lothian Road); a quieter (at the weekend at least) and less ornate version of its George Street counterpart.

Sticking in the area around the Lyceum Theatre and the Usher Hall, September also saw The Management pay visits to The Blue Blazer (Bread Street, 2) and Footlights (Bread Street, 2), accompanied by Chris McCall. The Blue Blazer is one of Edinburgh’s more famous pubs, being renowned for its sizeable collection of real ales, whiskies and rums. Small enough inside that it always gives the impression of being busy, the Blue Blazer is well worth a visit if you’re a drink connoisseur – they even serve their lager in chilled glasses! Footlights, across the road from the Blue Blazer, isn’t as classy an affair but it does also serve an extensive range of drinks. It is, however, one of the few places we have found thus far which shows live football at 3pm on a Saturday. Not strictly legal? Who cares...?

One of the main reasons that so few pubs were added to The Great Edinburgh Pub Challenge’s list of conquests in 2008 was that I ended up working in one of them, thereby ruling out my availability over the weekends. Despite the fact that 77% (roughly) of the clientele were absolute jakes, and that the place had nothing going for it, I did become strangely fond of my place of work – even if Nick had a frustrating habit of turning up just as I was finishing my shift insisting that we continued to drink there. It had been my intention to save the review for a time after I had found a Proper Job, but alas my plans were spoiled when the place went under in mid-November, leaving Mr Chadha to do the honours. After all, a barman can’t review his own work...

“It doesn’t count until I’ve finished working there”

The Greenmantle (Nicolson Street, 3/5/7/8/14/29/30/31/33/37/47/X48/49) was Rodney’s workplace for the autumn of 2008 and became a regular weekend haunt for me when I had nothing better to do.[That’ll be all the time then – Ed.] Of course, with Rodney on the wrong side of the bar, it wasn’t going to be easy to scratch this pub off the list. One dreich Saturday afternoon in early October, I turned up expecting my pint of Deuchars to be sat waiting for me (which, bizarrely enough, it was). Soon Rodney was finished his shift and on the right side of the bar with a pint of Spitfire in hand. Unbeknown to us at the time, this was to be the only pint we would have on the right side of the bar. [what about the two which followed? Ed.]

Despite its over-priced pints, lack of television, mainly dreary clientele (even duller chat than me!) and often appalling jukebox selection, this place still had a good bit of character to it. Unfortunately character was not enough to save it from the credit crunch, and it succumbed to the Grim Reaper in mid-November.

A further reason for the low number of pubs take in over the Autumn was that on that same October evening, The Management finally managed to pay a visit to The Brauhaus (Lauriston Place, 23/27/35/45), one of the few pubs in Edinburgh which seems to take its beer more seriously than we do. With a collection of some 250-plus bottled beers - most of which have the correct branded glasses to match – the place is an ideal way to talk yourself out of buying cheap flights and a fistful of Euros, which is probably for the best these days given the rather crap exchange rate. Countless tales of past trips to Germany were retold, and retold, and retold – and we have returned time and again, and shall continue to do so.

Soon enough, with the Greenmantle now shut and one half of the Management jobless, a night out was called for. Unfortunately, said night out was marred by a visit to Au Bar (Shandwick Place, 3/4/12/25/26/31/33/44/X48/100) and Oddfellows (don’t ask). Both pubs were of equal disappointment. As if to celebrate the new-found unemployment, the night out was extended for a further 24 hours – however, we only managed to fit in one new pub before retiring to the Brauhaus, such was the strength of its attraction. That is not to say that Greyfriars Bobby’s Bar (Candlemaker Row, 2) is a bad pub, however – given its touristy location and historic connections you would be forgiven for expecting it to be gimmicky and generally rubbish. Bobby’s, as it is known, is one of the quieter pubs in the Old Town, and not only does it do a cracking pub lunch but there is also the added attraction of a pint for £2 if you have a student card. There was a 3 piece jazz band on when we visited; if only we could have brought out the cigars...

So there you have it - if you want to experience jazz in the Old Town, go to Bobby’s. Do not go to The Jazz Bar (Chambers Street, 35). It is rubbish. We went after an Alex Cornish gig at the Bowery, as it was the only place nearby which was open until 3am, but boy was it awful. Entertainment was restricted to some jazz-fusion (my least favourite kind of jazz, fact fans) ensemble making a racket on a stage which was hidden in a corner. Nick booed. To think that we paid £6 for the privilege still brings back tears.
Until the next time...


CUMULATIVE PUB COUNT: 121